Top Tips for Prevent Picky Eating

I'm going to share with you my top 20 tips for how you and your baby can avoid picky eating, how to prevent fights later on, and problems down the road. I want your baby to have a healthy relationship with feeding, and if you start to use these 20 things right now, you'll see a huge difference.

Research shows that babies whose parents let them lead their feeding journey actually grow up to not be overweight and not have eating disorders. And that's our goal. We want to keep our babies healthy, fed, and happy. But we also want to think about the big picture and give them a healthy relationship with food. If you include these 20 things, you will see a huge difference in your little one. You will see that you are giving them a beautiful gift that they will take with them for life.

Feeding is not just a minor thing that we just go through the motions. It is something really important that your baby will do forever, and now is the time to get it right. So let's do this.

My name is Lindsay, and welcome to the Little Foundations Channel where I help parents and caregivers create healthy habits with their babies from the very start. Let's jump right in.

Number one is your mindset. The reason that this is so important is because you are running the show here. You are going to provide the food and provide the experiences. It's really important that you have a commitment to following your baby's lead, not only from when they're first born but all the way up until their toddler years and beyond. If you set the scene and you're committed to responding to your baby rather than leading the way, you will get to see all of these great wins happen right before your eyes because of your commitment and your mindset.

Number two is your diet. Not only does the research show us that your baby is exposed to different flavors in utero, but what your baby sees you eat and what you have in the house really will help them shape their diet later on. They will see that the real foods that you have in your house are going to be the ones that they grow up with. Your baby will watch you eat and see how you respond to food, so it's important that you have a healthy relationship with food and you're modeling that for your little one. If this part of the conversation is making you a little stressed, I know, I get it. It's a great time to be intentional about your relationship with feeding as you're starting to raise your little one. It's a great time to pump the brakes and see how you feel, how are your thoughts around feeding, what things do you say in your house, how do you react to eating? Are you just putting something in your mouth as you walk out the door or are you just picking foods that you don't really love but because it's more convenient? I get it, and it's complicated. But this is a great time to be intentional. Whether we can control it or not, our diet and how we respond to food and our relationship with food plays a huge role in our baby's life. So it's a great time to turn inward and be intentional.

Now, number three, cues, cues, cues. If you know me, you know I am crazy about cues. I teach parents and caregivers how to read baby's cues even from the first day that they're born. Learning your baby's cues from when they're starting to get hungry or they're full, and not only when they're breast and bottle feeding but as they're older and in a high chair or at the dinner table with you, it's important that we are responding to their cues.

We are giving them space, and we are respecting their cues. It sounds a little bit silly, even when they're so young, to respond to their cues, but children whose parents respond to cues actually grow up to trust their feelings about feeding. They're less likely to overeat and emotionally eat. I know when you're holding your sweet little baby, it's hard to think of them as an adult, but it's really important now that we are responding to their cues. We want to make sure that they are checking in with themselves when they're hungry and when they're full, no matter what age they are.

And this goes right into number four. This is what I call a loose schedule. When your baby's really little or when you have a busy schedule, it's easy to have a very strict schedule of how your day will go. I get it. We want to have a loose schedule, and that means, again, number three, we're following their cues. So, we want to see more or less when they're looking hungry and when they're looking full, and you'll be able to start to build a schedule around that. The other reason you want to have a loose schedule is that, as babies get older, I know that older babies and toddlers love to snack, and it's good to have a loose schedule. The reason for that is because we want to have time when we're eating and then time when we're not. It's good for their belly to process that and then to again check back in with their cues and see when they're feeling hungry and when they're full. Committing to a loose schedule, not strict and not down to the minute, will help us to keep our babies from grazing.

And just eating around the clock, but it will also help us to keep an eye on their cues and let them lead the way. After they finish and they're showing us those good cues that they're full, we'll be able to have that time where it's a time of rest for their belly to process the food. And then again, in a short time, be able to respond to their cues again, and we'll have our next snack.

And this takes us right to number five: commitment. We're committing to our big picture, and we're committing to that mindset that we talked about. As your baby gets older and they start to become a little bit more opinionated or are exposed to more foods, it's easy to forget that mindset that we wanted to have. It's important that you and your baby's caregivers are not forcing them. You're giving them the opportunity to experience foods and play with them without the pressure that they need to eat them. And another part of this commitment is that you will keep this big picture in your mind. I know that there are so many great foods and snacks for convenience. There will be times when we need those convenient foods, but for the most part, we want to commit to this big picture that at the end of the day, your baby is going to be eating your food with you. Kids don't need kid meals. And that is really hard sometimes. A lot of parents get upset with me and say, "How? Of course, kids need kid meals." And I understand, but really, kids can use kid portions of our meals. They don't always need fun-shaped food or different kinds of things or the staples of mac and cheese and chicken tenders. I understand that there will be those comfort foods that babies love, but it's really important that we are keeping that mindset, keeping that commitment that at the end of the day, we want our baby to have a beautiful, varied diet of many foods just like we do.

And this takes us to number six: give structure and follow their lead. And this is exactly what it sounds like. We are providing the structure. We're providing the meal, the time sitting down with them, or fighting the food. And then we're going to follow their lead. We're going to be watching for those great cues we talked about, and we're going to see what foods they're interested in. The structure part is really important, and I know it feels a little bit funny when your baby is really young and they go to bed so early. But again, it's never too early to think about that big picture, to think about what habits you want later on. If you envision your family sitting down together, eating the same foods at the same time, no toys, no electronics, and spending time together, there's no better time to start planning than right now. As your baby starts to see that this is a habit, they will know what to expect, and they will know we don't run around when we eat, and we don't all eat at separate times. We eat together, we share the same food, and we're all having a conversation together. And don't forget that part about following their lead. This can be really hard at times, but it's great if you can set the scene and then step back and let them see how they feel. We're following those beautiful cues that we talked about, and we're responding to their reactions. If they're hungry, if they're full, if they want to play with their food, we're setting up the scene, and we're seeing what they do. We're following their lead. We're here to provide the structure, to provide the food, and to keep it a great healthy habit. But they're going to decide what and how much they're going to eat.

And that takes us to number seven: let your baby play with their food. I know for so many people, this is really hard. It doesn't have to be all the time, and it doesn't have to be for every meal. The more that we give up on the dream that our baby is always going to be clean, the more that they get comfortable with food. And especially when we're thinking about preventing picky eating, exposure and being hands-on with the food really is shown to be one of the most important things that we can do to let our babies explore food without the pressure of needing to eat it. It is a huge benefit to them. They will get to be more comfortable with food and be more willing to explore that food. So whenever you can, maybe just once or twice a week or right before bath time, take off their shirt and let them go to town. Let them finger paint with their yogurt or stack up their food or let them smash, stomp, or pull apart the food and make a big mess. It's not always easy and it can be a big mess, but it has so many benefits. So when you can, give them the chance and give them the space to explore the food. The more comfortable they are touching and playing with the food, the more willing they will be to eat it.

And this takes us to number eight: be partners with your baby. Be partners with your baby in their feeding journey. And that means that from a very young age, as soon as we can, we want to start to give them little jobs and have them be involved in every step of feeding. From the shopping or pulling out the food in the produce section or pulling out the food in the garden, putting it away, pretending to wash it, chopping it up, or spending time in the kitchen. And when they're older, helping to serve and clean up and put the food away. All of those things really help your baby to become more comfortable with food and to know that they have little jobs around this thing that we will always do. We'll always be eating and we'll often do it together. So it's great for them to be comfortable to have some little responsibilities in this mealtime and to get the experience to be around food.

And this takes us to number nine: exposure and daily wins. And what that means is no matter what, in whatever situation, whether we think they might like it or not, it's important to expose our babies to food. The more that we let things live on their tray or let them play with the food or give them a piece of whatever we're eating, they will get to be more comfortable because of that repeated exposure. This is backed by research and science that shows us that when we give our babies many opportunities without the pressure that they need to eat it, they will become more comfortable with food.

And so if you and other family members can share your food with them or let them continue to try and play with those foods, the more comfortable they will be in the long run. And this also means that when they do try something, if they don't like it, that food can't disappear forever because they're still learning to like it. Sometimes we have the best intentions, and when a baby doesn't like something, we make sure they don't see it, we take it off their tray, and we say, "Oh, she doesn't like that." But then they never get the chance to try again, or they don't get it for a long time. It's okay if your baby doesn't like something, and aside from having an allergy, there's no reason not to let them explore that food again. It's good for them to be comfortable to have things on their tray that maybe they don't like. They're still learning to explore, and it's okay. They're comfortable enough to have it be on their tray. Maybe they're not going to touch it, but after those repeated exposures, they'll become more interested and more comfortable.

Another note here about exposure and those daily wins: I know that as your baby gets older, we really want to make sure that they're getting a great varied diet of many different foods. But it's also important that we are honest with them. We do not want to trick them. We do not want to hide things in their food or cover those vegetables with something that they like. We can give them repeated exposure, but we don't want to lose their trust. As soon as your smart little one figures out that we are hiding something in there or that we're maybe not being honest, we're starting to lose their trust. And the first thing a baby will do once they realize that maybe we're tricking them is that they will start to back up because they don't trust us. They might start to go backwards, and they might start to try to control their eating even more. Sometimes it has the reverse effect. Yes, we want them to eat more vegetables, but if we've snuck it into something or maybe we've covered it with something that they like and maybe we're trying to be a little bit sneaky, sometimes they will go backwards and become even pickier because now they want to control the foods that they know. They want it to be safe and predictable. So let's try not to trick them at all. Continue to expose them to foods, let them play with it, let them throw it down on the floor. Give them those repeated opportunities to explore those foods, and you'll be surprised that one of those times, they will probably pop that food in their mouth by themselves.

And this fits perfectly into number 10: manage your feelings. It becomes really hard when our baby starts to throw things on the floor or spit out the food and make a funny face or refuse the foods altogether. I get it. But the more that we show our emotions in that moment, the more that we can get into a bad habit. Yes, there will be times when they throw the food down to get a reaction, to get a laugh. That's understandable and it's totally normal. But as best as we can, when they're trying new foods and reacting, we want to give them a little space, and we want to play it cool. If they don't like something, that's okay. We already have this beautiful mindset that we're going to give them repeated exposure so that they can play with it and get more comfortable. But we don't want to wear our emotions on our face. If we feel frustrated or annoyed or upset that they don't like something because soon, your baby will pick up that stress, and they will start to make a connection that in order for you to be happy, they have to eat something, and maybe something that they don't like. And we don't want them to not listen to their bodies only to make us happy.

It seems like a minor thing, but a lot of parents do it without even thinking about it, so it's best to play cool, give them the opportunity, and see how it goes. Even if you're hoping, fingers crossed, that they'll like something, try your best to play cool while they're eating.

This fits perfectly into number 11: Your words matter. As your baby starts to grow up, not only are they going to hear the conversations in the house, but they will hear how you talk about food, how you talk about people's bodies, and they will be observing all of that. Like we talked about, this is a great time to check in with your mindset about feeding. This is a great time to manage your words and the things that you talk about in the house.

Sometimes we have the best intentions, and we say, "Oh, please eat, that'll make mommy so happy," or "You have to eat that, or daddy's gonna be upset." Without realizing it, that has a lasting effect. Research shows that especially little girls, even as young as four, comment on their body in a negative way based on things that they've heard. They start to believe things about their body, how their body looks, and how their relationship is with food as young as four based on things in our culture and in our environment. And while we can't protect them from everything, we can try our best to control what happens in the house, how we talk about food, and how other people talk about food around them. Keep it really positive.

This also goes into "good" and "bad" foods. There are definitely foods that we don't want our children to have every single day, but we don't want to use the words "good" and "bad." Nowadays, things that we might consider "bad" foods are really tasty for kids. And sometimes when they finally get the chance to have one of those "bad" foods, maybe they really like it. And it can be really harmful to children to say, "Am I bad because I like this bad food?" We don't ever want them to feel that way. So, it's good to have foods that we have all the time and foods that we have sometimes or special occasion foods. So, in our house, we use words like "sometimes foods." Those are foods that we sometimes have. "Oh, we don't have that in the house right now, but sometimes we have it." And those are the things that maybe we don't want our kids to eat, but we don't want to label them as good or bad.

Number 12 is choices. Choices are really important to kids, whether it's which shirt do you want to wear or which book do you want to read. The same goes for feeding, and it could be which food do you want with your sandwich or which food do you want with your chicken. And we can give them two options. This is great for two reasons. One is because we're still controlling the options, right? We're still giving them things that we have in our house, those real foods. But the other reason is because they feel that they have the power. They like to be in control, and they like to be independent, especially as they get older. And if they feel that they have control, that's a great thing. So, they can decide what's on the menu, and they can also decide how much they're going to eat. And this can be really hard for some families to accept, but it's important that we give them the space to decide. And again, know that because you've set this beautiful foundation, they are following their cues. They will know when they're done, when they're finished with their food, and when they've had enough. When they're no longer interested or when they're feeling full, that's okay. That is their choice. And like I said, the research shows that when we let our babies lead us, they grow up to have a great relationship with food, to not be overweight, and to not have eating disorders down the road. So, with this small mindset shift, this little change that you can add into your family routine, will help them to be in charge and to feel confident that they are following their cues and that they're in control of their feeding.

And this fits perfectly with number 13: No negotiating. This is a hard one, especially when you get to those toddler years when our babies are a little bit more opinionated and they want to say their piece too. It's really important that you and your caregivers have a conversation that we are not negotiating with our babies. We are not bargaining with them to have one more bite or just try this or finish what's on your plate and then you can get up.

All of those things around negotiating and bargaining really have a lasting effect on kids, and our intentions are good. I know that we want them to fuel their bodies and fill themselves up with great healthy things, but because we're doing it in this negotiating way, they feel pressured and they feel that they need to eat that to appease you. They're not following their cues, they're not listening to what they want, and they start to have an emotional connection to food where "I need to eat it because I need to make my family happy." And we don't want that. We want our babies to eat because they want to. We want to show them a wide variety of food, but we want to keep it positive, and we want them to be independent to decide what and how much they're going to eat.

So, make it a rule in your house that we are not negotiating. There's no "little bit more" or "finish your bottle" or "one more bite." We're not negotiating. I know it feels hard, and I know you want the best for your baby, but in the long run, this is the right move.

And this takes us to number 14. As a speech and feeding therapist for more than 10 years, this one is one of the hardest for families to accept. Number 14 is: Dessert is always offered. This is a hard one. The culture that we grew up in and how we were raised with our well-intentioned parents and caregivers is that you earned your dessert. If you ate all your food, you would earn dessert. If you were really good, you earned dessert. If you got a great report card, you earned a dessert. Despite anything happens, if you offer dessert all the time, that you offer it with the food, and it's not something that they need to earn, you will see that maybe they'll eat that, maybe they'll even eat it first, but that they'll still be interested in their food.

When we make it so forbidden, the actual analogy of "don't put your hand in the cookie jar," we make it so forbidden or something that they have to earn, we put a special connection on that. And in the long run, like we've talked about, that leads to emotional eating, where that special dessert is that special cookie that I need to earn, I need to fill myself maybe too much, or I need to eat those things that I don't really want to just so that I can make my family happy so that I can earn that dessert that I really want. We're putting that special label on that food, and it doesn't need to be.

You can decide what you have in your house, and you can offer that to them. If you have a few sweet treats here and there or things that you want or those "sometimes foods" that we talked about, you can still offer it. And it's how you talk about the food that matters. Some children believe that blueberries are dessert or a graham cracker is a treat. It's how we position it. But we definitely don't want to position that we have to fill our bellies, maybe too full, to earn something. Whether they want to finish their food or eat something that they don't really want to, to earn it so that we can be happy.

I know it feels hard, and I know it feels like, "No, they really should eat these foods before they have dessert." I know. But trust me on this. When you provide the dessert and it doesn't have this big special label, it's not something that's earned, it's something that's provided, it will take that special part of it away, where they don't feel like they have to work hard for it. It's there, and they can eat it if they want to. They might even eat it first, and that's okay. But you will see when it's there and it's not something you have to fight for, they're still going to eat the rest of their food. They're still going to explore that food because the dessert is not off-limits and it's not earned. Trust me on this. I know it might feel funny, but I promise you, you will be surprised when you give that cookie with dinner, that they might eat it, but they're still going to eat the rest of their food. So please, don't make dessert feel something that is earned or something that's forbidden or extra special. Dessert is always offered.

This takes us to number 15: Independence. As your baby gets older, you will see that they desperately want to be independent. They want to do things on their own, and they don't want our help, even when they need it. And one way that we can avoid picky eating is to give them a little bit of space. Because as your baby gets bigger, we've spent so much time sitting there, watching them in the high chair, hoping that they're doing well and watching them eat. But sometimes, we have to give them a little bit of space. And this is where I tell parents and caregivers to pretend that you're not watching them.

Like I said, we've set this beautiful scene that they eat with us at the table, and so you can pretend to have a conversation with your family while you're still keeping an eye on them, giving them the idea that maybe we're not watching every move they make.

And sometimes, in many cases, children will eat things that they've previously refused when we're not watching. Again, for safety, we always want to have eyes on them or be watching them from behind or looking at them from the corner of our eye. But as soon as you start to give them a little bit more space and independence, you'll be surprised how many new things that they'll explore and even eat.

This takes us to number 16: Talk about food. Like we already talked about, we don't want to have good and bad foods, but we can talk about food and their benefits. We can talk about it in conversation at the dinner table and not put so much pressure on it that we must eat it. We're just describing the food. We can talk about where it came from or where it grows, or what store you bought it at, or if we picked it from the garden. We can talk about this food is great for our eyes, or this food is great for our bones. And it's not that we're pressuring our children to eat, we're simply talking about food and making it a comfortable conversation.

This is a great thing to do when you're shopping or when you're outside in the garden. If you go to a farmer's market, you can talk about food in a way that doesn't feel pressured. When we desperately want our kids to eat, sometimes we put so much pressure on food that it makes food not fun for children. They feel that it's a chore and something that they have to do. They have to eat. And we don't want to disappoint our family. But really, we want to take that stress away. Food will always be in their lives, and we want to talk about it in a positive way. So talk about the benefits and not that they need to eat it. Simply exploring the food, playing with it, and talking about its benefits takes a lot, lot of pressure away so that food is not something that we have to eat, but something that we can learn about too.

Number 17 is: Serve a limited menu. If you set the scene, you do all of these things that we've talked about, it is very unlikely that your baby will start to request things that you don't have in the house. If we start to serve those real foods from the very beginning, your baby is not going to have very elaborate requests for things that you don't serve in the house. But there will be times that they may appear a little bit picky or that they might want certain things, and I understand that. We can always have some foods that are guaranteed to eat around the house. For some kids, that's yogurt or oatmeal or something that they always like. But that doesn't mean that we always have to offer it. It can be in our house, and we can give them many exposures, but we're still limiting the menu.

We really don't want to get in the habit of each child having their own menu. If we're eating this one meal tonight, this is what we have, this is what we're serving, this is what we're exposing our children to. And we can always have a few other options in the kitchen, things that they always eat. We don't want our children to think that we will go into the kitchen and just make anything they want at any moment. We want them to slowly get in the habit of understanding that this is what we have for dinner, and you can eat it or you can leave it. Of course, we don't want them to go without eating, and that's why we'll have those "always foods," those things that we can guarantee. But we, as parents and caregivers, want to set the limits around food. We want to say, "These are the things that we're serving, and this is what's on the menu tonight." We don't want to start to get in the habit of them thinking that they can eat other things outside of the menu all the time. That's how we can start to reinforce picky eating. This is what's on the menu, these are the options. Which one would...

Which one would you like? That goes back to those choices and the independence that we talked about. Alright, these last three things are more about our words.

Number 18 is a rule that we have in our house: Don't yuck my yum. As your baby gets bigger and they start to make concoctions or dip things in random sauces that we may never like, it's important that other people in the house are not talking badly about what our kids are eating. And we have two rules about that: Don't yuck my yum - don't yuck the things that I like, don't talk about my food that maybe I like this way. And don't comment on what other people are eating. Again, don't comment on how much they're eating or how little they're eating. Don't comment on, "Oh my gosh, you ate all of that," or "That's all you're going to eat?" At least in our house, we can control what we say to each other. In the world and in the culture today, we can't control all those things that our babies are exposed to. But in our house, we can teach our babies that anything goes. They can make a unique mix of foods, and they can eat as much or as little as they like. And they don't have the pressure of other people commenting on it.

This goes right into number 19: Give varied compliments. And this means that especially as our babies are growing up, that we are commenting on more than just their appearance. We don't want to say things like, "You got so big," or "Oh, you're so beautiful." We can give them multiple comments like, "I love your artwork," or "You're so talented," "You're so creative," "You make me laugh." Those things are more positive for children. We don't want them to experience things from culture like, "You're so big" as a negative. And like I said, there is research to show that children, especially girls, as young as 4, start to have insecurities about their bodies as young as four. It breaks my heart. So it's important that we say things that are really positive to ourselves and we give those great compliments. So when we're walking up a hill, we can say, "I'm so glad that I have strong legs," or "I'm so glad that I have healthy arms that I can pick up these groceries." Those things really matter to children and they're always listening. So keep your compliments varied and your comments positive.

And this takes us to number 20, our last tip to avoid picky eating, is to be very strict about nobody having negative talk in the house. We're not talking negatively about food, about bodies. We're not commenting on other people's bodies. We're not commenting on how much or how little someone ate. We're not commenting on how they look. It's very awkward and uncomfortable sometimes when other people are visiting and they make these comments in passing. But you can always get with your children and your family at the end of the night and say, "I know that grandma said this," or "I know that Uncle Johnny said this." You can't control everything, but what you can control, we want to keep it positive. And we want to teach our children to have self-confidence, to be confident, to know that they are amazing and strong and doing great. And we also want them to be in charge of their feeding. We want them to be in charge of how much they eat and their relationship with food.

Alright, we got through it - 20 tips to avoid picky eating. I know it feels like a lot and a lot to remember. The number one thing I can tell you is that as soon as you start to change your mindset to be really intentional about feeding, everything else will come easier. We want to give our baby that gift. We don't want them to grow up as a picky eater or to have eating disorders or to be overweight. And believe it or not, we can help them right now to avoid those things. So think about these things, re-watch this video, reach out if you need anything. The more that we treat this with an open and positive mindset, the better off you'll be. You're doing a great job! You went through these 20 tips with me, and this will pay off. You're doing a great job. Please reach out if you need anything at all. I am always here for you. For more baby feeding tips, check this one.