5 Things I Never Say to Kids About Food

I'm going to share with you the top 5 things that I hear families say that I never say to kids during mealtime, and what you can do and say instead. 

My name is Lindsay, and welcome to the Little Foundations Channel, where I help parents and caregivers create healthy habits with their little ones from the very start. Let's do this. 

All right, number one: I never say "just eat it." For many kids, it is about control. It is about feeling comfortable enough to eat that food, and it's not something that they can just do. And even though you want the best for them, you saying "just eat it" is not an invitation that they really want to accept. 

So instead, I really try to put no pressure on kids. I might eat something myself and then explain to them how I feel. I might say, "Oh, this is so crunchy," or "This is so juicy," and I leave it at that. And that is more of an invitation that they'll be intrigued and curious, and it might take them a few times or over a few days or weeks to see that thing and to watch other people eat it instead of you saying, "Here it is, just eat it." That is not going to get them to learn to love the food. They want to feel in control of their decisions. So, next time you're tempted, say what you think about the food instead. 

All right, number two: I never say "please eat it". I do not want to negotiate with children about eating. I do not want them to think that they have to eat something to appease me. And I don't want to get into this bargaining: "Please eat that", "Oh, just a little bit more", or "Just have this”. Instead, we can have them help us. I can say, "Oh, I'm so hungry. Do you think I should have this or that? I can't decide". And then they feel that they're in control. They're helping you, and it's really positive. 

And then you can ask them, "Would you like this or this?" That helps them to feel that they have that control again, and they're able to decide what they'd like to eat. Most children will pick one of those two things. But if they're really feeling that they're not up for it, we will let those things live on the table near us. And that might be the step where your baby's at right now. They might have to get comfortable with those new foods being around them, and that will help them to get a little bit more comfortable. That way, we don't have to get into a back-and-forth bargaining with them. 

Okay, number three: I never say "it's healthy for you". It's something that, I'll be honest, kids don't really care about when they're little. Instead, you can make it really exciting and say, "Did you know that carrots have superpowers for your eyes? Oh my gosh, I love carrots!" And then you can start to eat them again. We're not forcing them; we're teaching them about food, but we're not saying, "Here we go, just eat it, it's healthy for you." Kids don't really care. It comes back to their choice and their control. And we don't want to pressure them. 

Instead, talk about all the exciting things that you can about the foods that you have. Tell them about the colors and the taste and the vitamins and the nutrients and what they're good for. Explain it in a way that kids might find fun, and they might be more interested to try it next time. 

All right, number four: I never say, "Oh, you can't have that, that's bad". I never tell children that foods are “good” or “bad”. We can talk about how there are more nutrients in certain foods, or how that's a food that we sometimes have. You are in control of the food that's in your house, and while we can't control the food out in the outside world and that school and friends, for right now, while your baby's little, they'll mostly be eating with you, and you can control what's in your house. 

But we don't want to put that pressure on them that some foods are “good” or “bad”. Over time, the research shows that when we explain food to children in that way, they start to associate the food with them being bad. Sometimes those foods that we call bad might be really tasty, and when your child finally gets the opportunity to eat those things, they might feel scared that they are bad because they ate that bad thing. So I never tell kids that food is “good” or “bad”. 

I get excited to explain to them how foods can make you stronger and these foods can help you grow, but I don't want to get into making food feel like it's off-limits. Of course, there are things that we don't want our kids to have, and we can start to control that, but we don't want to make things feel off-limits for them, and we certainly don't want them to feel bad.

All right, last one, number five: It's a hard one. I never say, "Finish what's on your plate, and then you can have dessert". I never say, "Have one more bite, and then you can have dessert". This is a really hard one for some families to accept, but if you zoom out and you think about the big picture, it really does make sense. 

Sometimes, by us holding the dessert as a prize, it makes it so that children feel that it's something to be earned. Food is not to be earned. Your dessert is not something to work toward. It's not a prize. It's normal that in our culture, we put that pressure on there. But you are in control of how your baby thinks about dessert. 

Instead of saying, "You must eat that, or finish that, okay, or just eat this bite, and then you can have dessert," instead I want you to offer dessert at every meal. I know this feels hard, and I know that some families are not on board with this, but I want you to think about that. You don't want your child to feel that they have to fill themselves up, maybe too full or eat things that they don't really want to so that they can earn the thing that we hold as the prize. 

Over time, the research shows that when we put more pressure on dessert or food being earned or a special food, that children will start to have disordered eating around those kinds of things. And over time, they will think that they have to eat to appease us and only if they're a “good little girl” or a “good little boy” that they will be able to get that food. And that is not the precedent that we want to set. 

So my biggest piece of advice is to serve little foods as dessert with your meal every time. And parents will say, "But then won't they eat that thing first?" Yes, they might eat that thing first, but they will be more likely to eat the rest of their meal when they don't feel pressure to have to eat that again. Remember that you are in control of what and how much you're going to offer your baby, and those are the foods that you have in your house. So if you give a great, well-balanced meal, and you happen to have a dessert on their tray, it's very likely that they're going to explore all the food there. 

If you say, "You have to work toward a treat. You have to do all the things I want you to do to get this prize," now we're starting to get down that path of disordered eating. The research shows that the more that we force and control and try to negotiate with our children about food, the more likely they are to become picky eaters right now, and the more likely they are to struggle with weight issues, disordered eating, and eating disorders as they get older. 

It's crazy to think that right now the things that you are doing can affect them way into the future. And it's not to sound scary or overwhelming, but it's to show you that if you approach feeding in this way by offering a great variety of many foods and then letting your baby decide, you will be able to take that pressure off. Your baby will eat. Your baby will get those nutrients, and they'll do it in a way where they feel happy and safe and in control. All thanks to you. 

I know this might be a new concept, so please reach out to me and let me know what you think. 

And for more baby feeding tips, check this out.